Penn State Themed 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

By RLR Staff on December 24, 2016 at 12:20 am
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Matthew O'Haren-USA TODAY Sports

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After a year hiatus, the twitter parody Evil James Franklin is back with his Penn State rendition of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Penn State,
Not a creature was stirring; for the Rose Bowl we wait.
The B1G Championship trophy hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a twelfth win soon would be there.

Penn Staters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of blocked field goals danced in their heads.
Me in my Penn State gear, breaking down some tape,
The gameplan for Pasadena was starting to take shape.

National Signing Day came and a few recruits scattered,
The natives getting restless asking what was the matter.
"He's a great recruiter, but lacks a signature win,"
Another ho-hum season and "hot seat" talk would begin.

The Blue-White Game in April, the questions remained,
Would the offensive line be better? Would the offense be the same?
Wait, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
McSorley named the starter and the season grew near.

A new offensive and defensive coordinator, I had some new buddies,
With an exciting young defense and the creator of tuddies.
We knew the task at hand, if we failed I‘d take the blame,
And I whistled, and shouted and called the seniors by name!

Now Gaia! Now, Paye! now, Devenny and Walker!
On, Laurent! On, Bently! On, Gulla and Palmer!
Garrity, Galimberti, Ladonis, Yaz and Nyeem,
Smith, Schwan, Dowrey, Golden, Bell the leaders of this team.

September was here and then a tough loss to Pitt,
But the team they fought back and showed they’d never quit.
Beat Temple, but then off to the Big House, where we were humbled,
Sitting 2-2, was it starting to crumble?

Against Minnesota, down ten at the half,
Fans grew impatient and questioned the staff.
But then an 80 yard touchdown to Charles from Trace,
Reenergized the crowd and there was life in this place.

They fought like hell to tie on a field goal from Davis,
We gave it to Barkley and asked that he save us.
A vintage run by Saquon and Penn State got the win,
Maryland was next and something was about to begin.

After the bye week, a whiteout vs. the Buckeyes,
Twenty one point dogs, would this be our demise?
Down 12 with the ball, Trace started making some throws,
A late half touchdown to Godwin and hope, it arose.

Ohio State up 14, looked like they’d pull away,
But Penn State clawed back, and then came the play.
Marcus Allen flew through the night and blocked Ohio State’s kick,
"GRANT HALEY WILL SCORE", Beaver Stadium ballistic.

Purdue, Iowa and Indiana, the offense starting to feast,
Then Iowa beat Michigan and we could win the B1G East.
Penn State would win out and Michigan didn’t get their spot,
We were heading to the championship game for one last shot.

Wisconsin jumped up 21, with this second half team there was no doubt,
Penn State took the lead on a glorious wheel route.
On 4th and 1, the defense put on the clamps,
And just like that, Penn State was crowned Big Ten Champs.

Penn State is back, and the future looks brighter,
Just like O'Brien said, this team's a bunch of fighters.
I yelled, Roar, Lions Roar, as I flew out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Evil James Franklin is not affiliated with Penn State University or head coach James Franklin.

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