Pitt Signs Narduzzi to 7-Year Contract Extension For Some God Forsaken Reason

By Mike Treb on December 6, 2017 at 11:58 am
Pittsburgh Panthers head coach Pat Narduzzi speaks to the media during the ACC Football Kickoff at Westin Charlotte.

Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

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For whatever reason (lead poisoning? Greenhouse gas emissions? Lactose intolerance?), Pitt has signed head coach Pat Narduzzi to a seven-year (7! SEVEN!) contract extension, the university announced Wednesday.

The move means Narduzzi is signed through the 2024 seaso-- I'm sorry, I need to gather myself. Maybe drink some water and get some fresh air. I'm a bit flustered.

...

OK. Better.

Narduzzi, fresh off a 5-7 campaign, is not preparing for a bowl this week because the Panthers aren’t going to a bowl this year (they went 5-7). Pitt AD Heather Lyke, who oversees the 5-7 football program, shared the extension news on Twitter by posting a picture of Narduzzi (5-7 in 2017) in a tuxedo.

Ah hell yeah! Thumbs up!

More faked enthusiasm from the official release:

“We’re thrilled Pat Narduzzi (Ed. Note: Pitt finished 5-7 in 2017) is our head football coach. We are deeply committed to helping him, his staff and his student-athletes achieve at the highest levels in the ACC and nationally.”

Besides ending the 2017 campaign with an (admittedly) large victory over Miami (the Hurricanes were completely shell shocked having to play a football game inside what must’ve felt like a spacious, quiet recycling scrap yard. Not many had played football in a recycling scrap yard before.) on the way to a 5-7 mark, Narduzzi and company knocked off Clemson in 2016 (the Tigers, uh, won the National Title) and the staff made keychains commemorating a 3-point home victory that was nearly choked away in the 2016 season.

“Coach Narduzzi is a tireless worker, dynamic leader [Ed. Note: Pitt went 5-7 in 2017] and passionate about building outstanding relationships with our student-athletes and everyone connected to our Pitt family. He and his staff are fully dedicated to building a national-caliber program the right way, on and off the field.”

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

For his part, Narduzzi -- who got caught up in a Purduzzi rumor mill last year -- tossed out a “tremendously blessed” (!!) in his canned quote sent out by the athletic department.

In the athletic department’s 100 percent real list of “milestones” Narduzzi has achieved in his three years at Pitt, the second bullet point includes reference to the aforementioned 2016 home win against Penn State, which, as the athletic department clings to, “kept No. 5 Penn State out of the playoff field.”

A program builder, indeed! Penn State was so stunned by that slight, by that knockout blow at the hands of the Narduzzi-led Panthers, that the Nittany Lions somehow regrouped and went on to a 10-2 season in 2017, dropped two road games by a total of four points, and captured a Fiesta Bowl berth. And they beat Akron. Twice. ;)

Congrats to Pat Narduzzi on a 5-7 season, a new contract extension, the loss of his best offensive weapon to the NFL, and seven more years of tarping up Heinz Field on home games. #H2P #PittIsLit

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