Mess Boards: Michigan

By Matthew Filipovits on October 17, 2019 at 9:30 am
Nov 24, 2018; Columbus, OH, USA; Michigan Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh reacts as time winds down against the Ohio State Buckeyes at Ohio Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports
© Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome back to Mess Boards, where I scour the internet for some of the hottest takes about this week's opponent.

Today, Mess Boards takes us westward to Michigan, home to miles of freshwater shoreline and sun-faded 2004 Big Ten Champions t-shirts. Pull your khakis up past your nose, this is going to smell. 

The numbers don't match

Either this person doesn't know what statistical means or they're just really bad at counting. Statistically speaking Penn State's defense is giving up 8.2 points per game, while Michigan is allowing 17.5. Offensively, Penn State is averaging 42 points per game, Michigan, on the other hand, is averaging 30.3 points per game. For those who don't have a calculator nearby, I can confirm that 8.2 is less than 17.5 and that 42 is more than 30.3. Statistical conclusion:

  • Penn State's defense > Michigan's defense
  • Penn State's offense > Michigan's offense
Citrus Bowl Champs

This is one is kind of true. Sure James Franklin has beaten Ohio State and won a Big Ten championship, but Harbaugh's won a Citrus Bowl. Technically there is more citrus in the world than there are Big Tens. Point: Michigan.


I honestly have no idea what this means.

Running wild

Look buddy, I know you've had to watch Michigan attempt to play offense for the past six weeks, but I don't know if averaging 2.3 yards per carry can be considered running wild. Running mild, maybe.

Jimmy Frames

There is a lot to unpack here so let's go number by number.

  1. Frames may be the worst attempt at an insult at James Franklin I've ever heard. Unless they're roasting him for those transition lenses he used to wear, in which case, I'll allow it.
  2. Do not hit animals, especially animals you are only renting.
  3. Saquon Barkley broke Michigan fans so hard, they still talk about him two years later.
  4. The law of averages also says you are long overdue for a Big Ten title. I guess Michigan Men are just too respectful to break any kind of law.
  5. Offensive genius Josh Gattis decided to *furiously flips through notes* get blown out by Wisconsin to hide their playbook from Penn State? I'm going to go with a "no" on that one.
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