EXCLUSIVE: RLR Senior Writer @Treblaw Tells Us He Is Not A Barista

By Nick Polak on April 27, 2017 at 1:23 pm
Adam Schefter's coffee this morning did NOT feature a lid this secure.
Dan Smith
1 Comment

PHILADELPHIA— It was already set up to be an exciting Thursday in the great city of Philadelphia. The sun was shining, the NFL Draft was set to begin, ESPN's Adam Schefter was in town preparing for the big night, and Starbucks baristas everywhere were preparing for another day of brewing the finest and most legal drug this country has to offer.

Then, tragedy struck.

There are few in the world of sports quite like Adam Schefter. Few human beings, if any, are as relied upon sources of information at all hours of the day and night. That's a large burden for one man to carry. It's understandable that he needs a pick-me-up every once in a while to keep his mind active and his fingers ready to type.

As most people in the United States are wont to do, he headed to the nearest Starbucks. Unfortunately for Schefter, submitting his drink request allowed for one particular barista to execute a personal, burning hot attack on the NFL insider.

Shortly thereafter, one brave soul, our own Mike Treb, appeared to deliver a confession to the entire city of Philadelphia, and to the entire world.

The backlash Treb received in response to his admission brought on thousands of responses, both positive and negative in nature. But is it the truth? Did Mike Treb engineer the greatest coffee crime ever known this side of April 26th, 2017? We were able to finally track Mike by @-ing him in our Slack down to get the TRUE story.

Roar Lions Roar: So let’s get a definitive answer: Are you the barista who failed to properly put a lid on Adam Schefter’s coffee? 

Mike Treb: No, I am not the barista who left a loose lid on Adam Schefter’s venti. I don’t even drink Starbucks. I don’t like Twitter or even sports.

RLR: Wow. Why did you say you were, then?

Treb: I read Schefter’s tweet as I was getting ready in the morning. I wrote the tweet and hit send. This is truly how much thought went into it.

RLR: How should I be expected to explain this to my children?

Treb: Sports and everything related to sports are meant to be taken immensely seriously. Never forget that sports are serious business.

RLR: What have your @’s looked like on Twitter today? Can you share with us some of your favorites?

Treb: My mentions have been a complete and utter disaster. People are calling former Philadelphia Eagle Emannuel Acho a “snitch” for “ratting” me out to Schefter. Philly sports talk radio host Ike Reese called me a hashtag idiot. As I answer this question, there are about 10 dudes who have been arguing for hours about their NFL teams and which cities are the best tourist attractions. Hours. People keep saying I “played myself.” It’s an honor that Sports Illustrated, our nation’s greatest legacy sports publication, shared the exchange with eyeball emojis.

RLR: What will Penn State’s record be in 2017, and because he only needs about 1,360 yards to become Penn State’s all-time leading rusher, do you think Saquon Barkley will get there?

Treb: In 2017, Penn State will go 11-1. And, yes, Saquon will take the top spot as the Nittany Lions’ all-time leading rusher; in fact, I predict he reaches that feat after week 2, following a 900-yard performance against Pitt.

RLR: If you could use one adjective to describe your Twitter handle, what would it be?

Treb: Lawyerly

RLR: Is there anything else you would like to say to everyone who believes you are the barista who messed with Adam Schefter's coffee this morning?

Treb: Check the bio.

There you have it folks. Mike Treb may not have truly loosened Schefter's lid, but he certainly loosened a few folks' senses of reality.

1 Comment
View 1 Comments