ACTUALLY Michigan is Very Good and No We're Not Just Saying That Because It Helps Penn State A Lot If They Are Good

By Nick Polak on November 3, 2017 at 2:36 pm
Him Jarbaugh
Rich Barnes-USA TODAY Sports
1 Comment

You know what's a great color? Blue.

Penn State navy blue is fantastic, yes. That's the best color there is. But a nice, solid, wholesome blue is beautiful, as well. Particularly when paired with yellow. Not just any yellow though, the kind that is so perfect that we have to dip into another language in order to find the best way to describe it: Maize.

Well now that we're on the topic of maize and blue, let's acknowledge a simple fact. We don't talk about how great the Michigan Wolverines are NEARLY enough on this Penn State-specific website. And that's something that I would like to remedy today. Shall we begin?

Jim Harbaugh is a genius!

Duh! Who else in football history has such expertly-timed tirades? Who executes influential recruiting sleepovers with kickers at a greater rate than he does? Name someone else who has done as much for the milk industry as this great man has. I'll wait.

And that doesn't even begin to go into his coaching abilities! He is a true visionary, seeing a potential star in John O'Korn when no one else did before. Then, when he realized the err of his ways, he went to Brandon Peters. Identifying a problem you caused and fixing it is called humility, folks. Who but he could have known that hiring Rashan Gary's high school coach in a completely not shady at all role would have partially led to successfully recruiting him? Nobody, that's who.

Brandon Peters is the answer!

Unfortunately, the football universe doesn't want O'Korn to succeed. He clearly has the ability, which is why Harbaugh gave him such a long leash, but due to forces out of the control of anyone in the football program, it's just not meant to be.

Luckily for Michigan, they have another superstar-in-waiting ready to step up! Did you see the way he commanded the offense against Rutgers? Only four incomplete passes. Against the team that plays WHERE COLLEGE FOOTBALL STARTED. It takes a special kind of player to defeat a team with that much history, and that's what Peters is. A special player.

They have the best defense in college football!

Alabama? Nah. Ohio State? No way. Georgia? Not a chance.

No, the best defense in the country resides in Ann Arbor, Michigan, no doubt about it. It takes a special team to hold Air Force, Purdue, Michigan State, Indiana, and Rutgers to a combined 14.2 points per game.

Rashan Gary? Stud. Chase Winovich? Stud. Devin Bush? Stud. Mo Hurst? Stud.

They have the BEST fans!

Let's start with their dedication. They once had 112,252 at one game! Incredible! No one else shows out for their team like they do outside of North Korea.

And as far as their college football intellect, they have everyone beat. Don't try to say anything incorrect (subject to interpretation) about their team or college football in general around them. After all, they did go to Michigan. They know what they're talking about. But they'll always correct you in a kind and not horrifyingly rude way, which will help you learn something new!

They're also fantastic at-home referees. The spot? Clearly not good, friends at Eleven Warriors. If the actual referees had done the right thing and called any good, self-respecting Michigan Man's home instead of the jabronis in the video review booth for advice, then the Wolverines would have won the Big Ten East last year like they should have.

Now, you may think I'm being facetious. You may be thinking to yourself, "I've seen Nick and also everyone else at Roar Lions Roar say horrible things about Michigan in the past, he must just be trying to joke around and make their fans that are oddly reading Roar Lions Roar for some reason angry." To that, I say nay.

I truly believe that Michigan is the very best school not named Penn State out there, particularly in a football sense. In fact, I believe that the College Football Playoff committee made a huge mistake by not ranking them in their initial rankings this past week. How could you leave out such a storied and successful program? Because they've lost twice this year, and one of those losses was a total skull dragging at the hands of the Nittany Lions in which they looked like booty? Absurd.

Let's hope they can rectify that mistake after the Wolverines take down Wisconsin and Ohio State to end the season, and get them back up into the top-10 where they belong.

Note: This post was definitely not written as a desperate plea to the College Football Playoff committee to rank Michigan, thus improving Penn State's resume. No, not at all. This was only meant to praise a great school. I mean, if they decided to put them at, oh I don't know, No. 12 or something, that would be fine! I think they've earned that. But that's definitely not what this is about, no way.

1 Comment
View 1 Comments